I've finally reached eight and a half months of pregnancy! Unfortunately for me, it feels like it took three years. I'm actually an elephant and I've been pregnant for eighteen months. (Poor creatures) My baby bump is no longer a bump. Bumps are cute. What I have is a toddler mound. Imagine, if you will, walking around trying to carry a tire on your stomach. (Don't try it, it's hard) My waddle is now in full swing and I need assistance at all times for all things. I mean at this point I dread using the bathroom, seven million times a day, because it's just too difficult.
I've been in pain pretty much all day today because there's a toddler playing pong with my hip bones but this is pretty normal at this point. Although you know, not a fan. I don't remember it happening but at some point I believe I was karate kicked in my right hip by the strongest ninja in China's top Dojo. So naturally, when we got home from church today I decided that I would go take a nice soothing bath.
I gathered some choice oils, lavender and ginger, and went in the bathroom and to draw a nice scalding hot bath. My mother in law got me some excellent bath oil that re-hydrates your skin and since this child has been stealing my moisture like a vampire after blood, I added like half a bottle. Super excited, I jumped (Okay that's a lie, I can't jump. I waddled like a chubby penguin.) into the bathtub ready for the hot water to erase the memory of the super ninja. (It should be noted that our hot water heater hates me so there's not actually enough hot water to fill the bathtub. It was a hot-ish bath. Sure.)
I sat down in the tub and to my dismay, my giraffe legs had bested me again. It has now been noted that I am in fact too large for our green 1958 bath tub. I had to choose which section got to soak in the healing powers of lavender and ginger. Legs or back, but not both.
With my toddler mound protruding from the water, I seriously felt like Marilyn when she sits in the little pink Lego box. Just not nearly as cute. But the water did help and now it only feels like the salutatorian of the Dojo kicked me in the hip. (Take that over achieving ninja!)
While we're talking about the magic that is pregnancy, I'll share with you this weird dream I've been having. If you didn't know, pregnancy can cause you to have strange dreams. I have vivid dreams when I'm not pregnant so we're just at a whole new level. Firstly, the other day Daniel was sweetheart and brought home my favorite chocolate cream pie. Well, that night I had a dream that he ate it all. He ate it all and I was devastated. These are apparently the things running through my head without my knowledge.
But anyway, last night I had a dream about me and Daniel. For some reason Daniel is the only person I ever dream about. From time to time my brain will throw someone else in there but it's a rare occurrence and Daniel is always standing by. I don't even remember what we were doing in the dream; we were just there. The weird part of this dream is that Daniel was Daniel but he was actually Matt Damon. Like, it was Daniel but it was Matt Damon. Why? ...How? I woke up so confused and with the strange feeling that this has happened before. I'm actually still confused if anyone can help me out.
Yes, pregnancy is magical. It is however dark magic that I want no part of. My pregnancy app says that this part of pregnancy comes with symptoms of blurred vision and confusion. So if I go missing, I'm probably just wandering around Target wondering where the cheese is. Or was it toothpaste? Nope, that's diaper cream. Do I use diaper cream..? Oo chocolate cream pie! Where is the pie? I'll make it home eventually.
Kidding aside, it is like magic that my body can make an actual human with the assistance of just Taco Bell. I'm almost to the end and I really cannot wait to see what my feet look like these days. (Side note, got some boots stuck on my feet this morning and Daniel had to pull them off. It hurt. Winning!) My oldest looks like Daniel and my youngest looks like me so this bundle is the tie breaker. (Who will it be?!) But mostly I'm just ecstatic to see the little human we made. Pali felt her moving around tonight and her face just lit up. (Who needs Disney World!?)
I've never been a fan of being pregnant but it has given me two of the loves of my life. Pregnancy is hard but babies are worth it.
Probably stuck somewhere,
Mom-uh-riah
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